It does get easier.
These are my clients, in their own words.
I think in my head it was a hundred hours of work or a month of work or something and gosh after doing it today like it might have only been six hours of work because part of it was done but if that part hadn't been done that would still be like 10 hours of work but we made it a lot smaller by talking about it
I feel like I've actually learned to give myself grace. I've always heard that, like, you start with perfectionism, you just need to give yourself more grace or whatever. And I feel like I've catastrophized a lot less. And I see much more resilience within myself than when we first started.
So the thing that changed was when I stopped running my head against the wall, and started actually like observing, and being curious, and turning my innate curiosity towards the thing that I was so frustrated with, was the most helpful. And yeah, I thought that I would be like forever incapable of this kind of behavior change. So like, the fact that I could do it means I'm pretty sure anybody could do it.
The shame and self-blame went
But when I worked through it, I didn't necessarily have negative shame or guilt emotions attached to it. It was more like, this is tedious, right?
When I think about how much we beat ourselves up, and one of the things that I discovered throughout this too was self-compassion, which I never really understood the difference between self-compassion and self-esteem.
Things actually got done, and the task got smaller
Or I don't feel like I can tap into the positive outlook that I had a couple weeks ago. And it was like, actually, I can. And I did.
So even things like, you know, when I've put dinner in the oven or something and I'm looking around and the kitchen's a bit messy and the dishwasher needs emptying and, you know, my normal thing would be like, I just want to sit down and like scroll my phone for a bit until the timer goes off. I've been like, actually, if I do all this now, I'll feel great because then I don't have to do it later.
The pain and pressure lifted
I really felt a lot of the pain evaporate, which was interesting. Even though I hadn't done a ton of progress, which is fine, I felt the psychic pain much less so, which was actually a quite remarkable feeling of like, oh, my God. I was like, wow, this feels like I've almost like untensed a clenched fist.
It's been like a really, it's been a really big change because not only has it been like practical things at home. Um, so I feel just in general, like more, I guess, organized and calmer at home.
It finally made sense
I never would have called it perfectionism before, but that's exactly what it is
really understanding about the feeling part and the avoidance of pain, that's the key that you taught me that I hadn't gotten anywhere else was just like, this is all an avoidance of pain.
Feeling more like themselves
The life I want to live feels much more achievable now than it did when we started.
I think I've just proven to myself over the last few months that there are other options. I think I've rewritten some patterns that I don't see changing anytime soon.
I've actually been motivated to do things and I'm motivated because I'm enjoying it, not because I'm looking to be validated by it, which is so cool.
Like, yeah, it's weird because there is this underlying feeling of self-trust where it's like, I don't, I'm not in a rush to get this done because I know I will get it done. And then I know when I'll have the capacity to get it done too. And it will feel right at that time.
I do feel like a quite different person now. In fact, I feel more like me.
I feel like I have the spoons but I'm not using the spoons. And now I feel like I'm using the spoons.
If you heard yourself in any of these, let's find out where your motivation is pointing.
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